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[06 Mar 2005|09:27pm] |
I love my friends so much, they give so much to me
I will soon pay them back. Sitting down listening
to Deftones while having fun, alittle drunk, and tired
from being up for 4 days. I realized How much I
missed the music, and my friends.
Branden, Shane, Sean, Miro, Victor, Jp. I love you
all, Stay safe for as long as you can, live life.
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[05 Mar 2005|08:13pm] |
"A line leads to progress a circle doesn't-"
Your parents notice
your thinning face
The weight you lost..
And the weight you are losing
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[26 Feb 2005|07:30pm] |
I try to smile but it still looks odd. I enjoy all the wrong things. I enjoy winter, for its grey skies, and cold nights. The rain for how it runs threw my body, down my skin. Fire for how it burns my skin, razors for how they dont hurt anymore. The smell of burnt paper, brings back the time I burnt the house down. Tears when people cry, I want to lick them away, just for the taste. Blood for being a perfect color. Summer for making it hot, so It feels like I may die. I love how I get colder day by day, I love how pain turns me on. I love being me, for I'm nothing. I can say if I was to die, 5 people for sure would go. My dad, my mother, my brothers, and me. If you think I count, since I have to be there. The only one I think would cry would be my father... I love alot, but nothing comes back. So why love at all. Nothing makes my heart burn as much as pain.
To who reads this, Goodmorning, good-day, goodnight.
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[26 Feb 2005|07:04pm] |
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Ohh, can't anybody see
We've got a war to fight
Never found our way
Regardless of what they say
How can it feel, this wrong
From this moment
How can it feel, this wrong
Storm.. in the morning light
I feel
No more can I say
Frozen to myself
I got nobody on my side
And surely that ain't right
And surely that ain't right
Ohh, can't anybody see
We've got a war to fight
Never found our way
Regardless of what they say
How can it feel, this wrong
From this moment
How can it feel, this wrong
How can it feel, this wrong
This moment
How can it feel, this wrong
Ohh, can't anybody see
We've got a war to fight
Never found our way
Regardless of what they say
How can it feel, this wrong
From this moment
How can it feel, this wrong
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[26 Feb 2005|02:22am] |
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Got my car fixed, window and all
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[24 Feb 2005|08:06pm] |
Candle
here falls now undone looks beyond the credits sum livid
fractures less of fate the whisper winds blow the seed of
hate disturbed society dogs my turn with no values intend to
raise ability tried and tested pointless view gods got
security hands like snakes sow the seeds
raise all negative force-fed traces poisons all impure
profane the haunted heaven jeering leapt into the pit of
calamity
a mean condition no wealth dents provisions for a time
unknown
thelemic gestures all planned and hatched in seasons of
dissolute pain
cried afflicted and infected oblige the systems perfect dream
distorted my words assume all that is programmed before and
somewhat left unsaid behind shutters
dirt before desire dusted crap ingested comes
stealing life that you are not visited warped torpedo night
crawls through
the distant and irrelevant a good life's experiment fused
im laying violent hands upon a dead card calling cattle the
playthings are so abused the derelict dial phone clock pusher
delved in reliving the future too
im sticking pins and needles in this stinging rotten
fleshlike substitute pieces of half cooked meat that are
walking on this earth abort desire irrelevance ticks in front
in view
a candle rhyme to realign burnt out candles on the wall seize
the moment... reach
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[23 Feb 2005|05:00pm] |
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Anyone know where I can find a black or white coat with fuzz around the edges? If its a white coat with black edges and a black coat with white edges
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[22 Feb 2005|12:32am] |
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Oreos and milk go good together, and so does peanut butter and jelly, and penises and vaginas, or if your that way, penis and penis and vagina and vagina. And phones go good with caller ID, and coke with glass, and weed with paper, and hydrocodn with beer. X with music and cold shit. PCP with fighting since you are a god on that... I dont know what Im saying but it doesnt matter.
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[14 Feb 2005|10:25pm] |
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5k1n H34D
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[09 Feb 2005|07:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Skinny Puppy I'mmortal |
] |
This world isnt real! I will no longer sneak around in the shadows, I will scream letting them know death is coming. Getting fed up with people at school, most likily will fight tomorrow, some dumb ass named Paul tried to hit my hand today, fucker cant even wait until I'm better. I want to take his hopes and dreams away, I doubt he has any, since he is so ignorant. If no dreams I can always go for family, I truly dont care, He will not fuck with me. Anymore.
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[06 Feb 2005|12:05am] |
I have come to the agreement inside my head, that I'm going to train harder, not just in Kuk Sool Won.
I will train in ways, to take on 1 or more people, ways with my hands taped behind my back, defend against people ontop of me, small area's everything I can think of. I want to learn to beat some one with a blow. I am looking for anyone to help me.
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[27 Jan 2005|12:08am] |
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Hello everyone, how is it going, fine here, just thinking how great it is to get the shit knocked out of you in the middle of the day. Really it does feel great getting hit in the jaw, everything shakes for the one second, and your jaw throbs threw out the fight, because you wnat to keep going. Then later you can almost hear the throbs in your ears and it feels fucking great!
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[21 Jan 2005|11:52pm] |
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Fighting Sunday, anyone is invited. If you want to go Just tell me on this or call me, since alot of people know my number. I have about 8 people going, and more from the school, bring who ever you like. You can bet money if you want, you dont have to fight if its your first time there. You cant do that bad, maybe a bruise or two, I am fighting one handed so dont give me this weak bullshit, go and have fun or watch. I dont care just go its at 408 D Avenue.
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[17 Jan 2005|11:16pm] |
T'er pa t'etta
Am snef suas ur
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[17 Jan 2005|11:40am] |
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Hah, my car got toed, 162.94 to get it out.
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[07 Jan 2005|08:28pm] |
| [ |
music |
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Johnny Cash, The Man Comes Around |
] |
How is everyone doing? Something is happening, I think I hurt my dad today, I told him I was planning on moving out, I dont want him to think it's because of him. I don't like to see the pain in his eyes, I could feel his body get warm, his throat close to hold in the tear. God I hate it, I hate feelings but I love him to death! We started praying in the house, nothing we ever did.. they have been going to church, and she knowsa how to push my buttons, by moching my beliefs... About life, and my gods, I have more then one, and she hates it. She says my Gods arent real, but what makes her's real? She asks me something so I answer, then she keeps asking why, knowing that she doesnt care she just wants to make me mad. I dont know anymore.
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| DREAM |
[04 Jan 2005|10:24pm] |
Three men step out of the black SUV, Dressed each in a Suit, Viktor's Dark Green, Larry's Black, my self white. We walk to the small two story house, with out a sound as Larry picks the lock, we walk in, Larry headed towards the kitchen, Viktor went into the livingroom. Myself I went up the stairs, which lead to a small room, Inside that room a child, the only light coming from the closet, the little girl says nothing, she is about 7 years old, she just stares at me, as I walked into the closet to see the fatyher, the one we cane for.
I walk up behind him as he was going threw some things in the closet, things alittle sick. Which reminded me why we had to do, what we were sent to do. So I walk up to him whispering into his ear. "Caught you..." He jerks back to swing at me, I go under his arm, grabbing his hair, I slam his head into the closet door, with the same movement, I ram the back of his head into the wall. He falls to the floor.
I turn yelling to the other two. "I found him, killed him!"
Larry yells back, "Come here I found food!"
I turn to the child "It's ok he cant hurt you now." I shoo her downstairs, as I cut the mans throat, to end the madness of hisd thoughts.
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[04 Jan 2005|10:20pm] |
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Well, my brother is leaving tomorrow, I was at the mall all day, I tried to go to Rayburn, but I think I will go to the Charter school... I may move out in about 6 months. Should have a job by then. Today was the last day I think I will see my brother for a while. It was great to see him, I hate to cry but it's all right. He taught me something about the marine he learned. And I taught him somethings. I love him, I will forever. Pass the day I die.
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[04 Jan 2005|01:15am] |
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I think I might have to quit Kuk Sool Won for a while... Today I went to work, Not even my own class... Didn't do much of anthing just hyung... and my wrist felt like it was breaking... Just small fast movements hurt... So thats not good.
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[30 Dec 2004|11:37pm] |
I close my eyes, give me this pain, the green liquid glowing behind my eyelids
The cold burn in my lungs, the fire that can be taken away in a heart beat
But my heart beat stopped long ago...
Lay under the stars with me the deepness of your eyes to get lost again
The warmth of your body against my dead skin, drive this blade into my mind
The love of my life. Taken away, reminds me of the old days.
CATACOMB WITH FUR COVERED STYROFOAM
My little mind the dark fantasy. Bottles cant hide my pain, pills late a day.
Dance under the moonlight with me.
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