Frozen

Mon, 07 Mar 2005 03:30:29 GMT

I love my friends so much, they give so much to me
I will soon pay them back. Sitting down listening
to Deftones while having fun, alittle drunk, and tired
from being up for 4 days. I realized How much I
missed the music, and my friends.
Branden, Shane, Sean, Miro, Victor, Jp. I love you
all, Stay safe for as long as you can, live life.

Sun, 06 Mar 2005 02:16:46 GMT

"A line leads to progress a circle doesn't-"

Your parents notice
your thinning face

The weight you lost..
And the weight you are losing

Sun, 27 Feb 2005 01:42:02 GMT

I try to smile but it still looks odd. I enjoy all the wrong things. I enjoy winter, for its grey skies, and cold nights. The rain for how it runs threw my body, down my skin. Fire for how it burns my skin, razors for how they dont hurt anymore. The smell of burnt paper, brings back the time I burnt the house down. Tears when people cry, I want to lick them away, just for the taste. Blood for being a perfect color. Summer for making it hot, so It feels like I may die. I love how I get colder day by day, I love how pain turns me on. I love being me, for I'm nothing. I can say if I was to die, 5 people for sure would go. My dad, my mother, my brothers, and me. If you think I count, since I have to be there. The only one I think would cry would be my father... I love alot, but nothing comes back. So why love at all. Nothing makes my heart burn as much as pain.

To who reads this, Goodmorning, good-day, goodnight.

Sun, 27 Feb 2005 01:06:12 GMT

Ohh, can't anybody see
We've got a war to fight
Never found our way
Regardless of what they say

How can it feel, this wrong
From this moment
How can it feel, this wrong

Storm.. in the morning light
I feel
No more can I say
Frozen to myself

I got nobody on my side
And surely that ain't right
And surely that ain't right

Ohh, can't anybody see
We've got a war to fight
Never found our way
Regardless of what they say

How can it feel, this wrong
From this moment
How can it feel, this wrong

How can it feel, this wrong
This moment
How can it feel, this wrong

Ohh, can't anybody see
We've got a war to fight
Never found our way
Regardless of what they say

How can it feel, this wrong
From this moment
How can it feel, this wrong

Sat, 26 Feb 2005 08:23:22 GMT

Got my car fixed, window and all

Fri, 25 Feb 2005 02:06:12 GMT

Candle

here falls now undone looks beyond the credits sum livid
fractures less of fate the whisper winds blow the seed of
hate disturbed society dogs my turn with no values intend to
raise ability tried and tested pointless view gods got
security hands like snakes sow the seeds

raise all negative force-fed traces poisons all impure

profane the haunted heaven jeering leapt into the pit of
calamity

a mean condition no wealth dents provisions for a time
unknown

thelemic gestures all planned and hatched in seasons of
dissolute pain

cried afflicted and infected oblige the systems perfect dream

distorted my words assume all that is programmed before and
somewhat left unsaid behind shutters

dirt before desire dusted crap ingested comes

stealing life that you are not visited warped torpedo night
crawls through

the distant and irrelevant a good life's experiment fused

im laying violent hands upon a dead card calling cattle the
playthings are so abused the derelict dial phone clock pusher
delved in reliving the future too

im sticking pins and needles in this stinging rotten
fleshlike substitute pieces of half cooked meat that are

walking on this earth abort desire irrelevance ticks in front
in view

a candle rhyme to realign burnt out candles on the wall seize
the moment... reach

Wed, 23 Feb 2005 23:01:50 GMT

Anyone know where I can find a black or white coat with fuzz around the edges? If its a white coat with black edges and a black coat with white edges

Tue, 22 Feb 2005 06:35:29 GMT

Oreos and milk go good together, and so does peanut butter and jelly, and penises and vaginas, or if your that way, penis and penis and vagina and vagina. And phones go good with caller ID, and coke with glass, and weed with paper, and hydrocodn with beer. X with music and cold shit. PCP with fighting since you are a god on that... I dont know what Im saying but it doesnt matter.

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 06:26:12 GMT

5k1n H34D

Thu, 10 Feb 2005 01:05:14 GMT

This world isnt real! I will no longer sneak around in the shadows, I will scream letting them know death is coming. Getting fed up with people at school, most likily will fight tomorrow, some dumb ass named Paul tried to hit my hand today, fucker cant even wait until I'm better. I want to take his hopes and dreams away, I doubt he has any, since he is so ignorant. If no dreams I can always go for family, I truly dont care, He will not fuck with me. Anymore.

Sun, 06 Feb 2005 06:10:55 GMT

I have come to the agreement inside my head, that I'm going to train harder, not just in Kuk Sool Won.
I will train in ways, to take on 1 or more people, ways with my hands taped behind my back, defend against people ontop of me, small area's everything I can think of. I want to learn to beat some one with a blow. I am looking for anyone to help me.

Thu, 27 Jan 2005 06:09:55 GMT

Hello everyone, how is it going, fine here, just thinking how great it is to get the shit knocked out of you in the middle of the day. Really it does feel great getting hit in the jaw, everything shakes for the one second, and your jaw throbs threw out the fight, because you wnat to keep going. Then later you can almost hear the throbs in your ears and it feels fucking great!

Sat, 22 Jan 2005 05:54:06 GMT

Fighting Sunday, anyone is invited. If you want to go Just tell me on this or call me, since alot of people know my number. I have about 8 people going, and more from the school, bring who ever you like. You can bet money if you want, you dont have to fight if its your first time there. You cant do that bad, maybe a bruise or two, I am fighting one handed so dont give me this weak bullshit, go and have fun or watch. I dont care just go its at 408 D Avenue.

Tue, 18 Jan 2005 05:23:38 GMT

T'er pa t'etta
Am snef suas ur

Mon, 17 Jan 2005 17:40:26 GMT

Hah, my car got toed, 162.94 to get it out.

Sat, 08 Jan 2005 02:37:44 GMT

How is everyone doing? Something is happening, I think I hurt my dad today, I told him I was planning on moving out, I dont want him to think it's because of him. I don't like to see the pain in his eyes, I could feel his body get warm, his throat close to hold in the tear. God I hate it, I hate feelings but I love him to death! We started praying in the house, nothing we ever did.. they have been going to church, and she knowsa how to push my buttons, by moching my beliefs... About life, and my gods, I have more then one, and she hates it. She says my Gods arent real, but what makes her's real? She asks me something so I answer, then she keeps asking why, knowing that she doesnt care she just wants to make me mad. I dont know anymore.

DREAM

Wed, 05 Jan 2005 04:35:45 GMT

Three men step out of the black SUV, Dressed each in a Suit, Viktor's Dark Green, Larry's Black, my self white. We walk to the small two story house, with out a sound as Larry picks the lock, we walk in, Larry headed towards the kitchen, Viktor went into the livingroom. Myself I went up the stairs, which lead to a small room, Inside that room a child, the only light coming from the closet, the little girl says nothing, she is about 7 years old, she just stares at me, as I walked into the closet to see the fatyher, the one we cane for.
I walk up behind him as he was going threw some things in the closet, things alittle sick. Which reminded me why we had to do, what we were sent to do. So I walk up to him whispering into his ear. "Caught you..." He jerks back to swing at me, I go under his arm, grabbing his hair, I slam his head into the closet door, with the same movement, I ram the back of his head into the wall. He falls to the floor.
I turn yelling to the other two. "I found him, killed him!"
Larry yells back, "Come here I found food!"
I turn to the child "It's ok he cant hurt you now." I shoo her downstairs, as I cut the mans throat, to end the madness of hisd thoughts.

Wed, 05 Jan 2005 04:24:21 GMT

Well, my brother is leaving tomorrow, I was at the mall all day, I tried to go to Rayburn, but I think I will go to the Charter school... I may move out in about 6 months. Should have a job by then. Today was the last day I think I will see my brother for a while. It was great to see him, I hate to cry but it's all right. He taught me something about the marine he learned. And I taught him somethings. I love him, I will forever. Pass the day I die.

Tue, 04 Jan 2005 07:17:20 GMT

I think I might have to quit Kuk Sool Won for a while... Today I went to work, Not even my own class... Didn't do much of anthing just hyung... and my wrist felt like it was breaking... Just small fast movements hurt... So thats not good.

Fri, 31 Dec 2004 05:52:58 GMT

I close my eyes, give me this pain, the green liquid glowing behind my eyelids
The cold burn in my lungs, the fire that can be taken away in a heart beat
But my heart beat stopped long ago...
Lay under the stars with me the deepness of your eyes to get lost again
The warmth of your body against my dead skin, drive this blade into my mind
The love of my life. Taken away, reminds me of the old days.
CATACOMB WITH FUR COVERED STYROFOAM
My little mind the dark fantasy. Bottles cant hide my pain, pills late a day.
Dance under the moonlight with me.

Thu, 30 Dec 2004 09:45:36 GMT

Hello, How is everything going for all these other people that dont call me.. Sean... Miro... Victor? BRANDON? How have you guys been... it sucks not being able to see you guys on this kick ass break we have. Well nothings going on here listening to much, that is it. And I have something in my eye... Goiing to the Doctor Friday to see if my cast can come off... Other then that no plans... People should come over some time.

Sun, 26 Dec 2004 07:52:17 GMT

So, happy merry which ever you believe in. It snowed so I'm happy... I talk to viktor about a something with rivers, which I will try saturday. Snow is great, so are my friends. My brother is here for the night its cool, just dont know why everyone hates his g/f... Maybe because she cheated on him while he was in Iraq? I guess thats not a good reason since he is still talking with her. I love Dj Rib. OMG is a great song if u want it, it's industrial i will send u it.

Fri, 24 Dec 2004 03:22:28 GMT

Paranoia setting in, the walls look oddly familuar.
The chipped off paint of my shoe box, my cocoon.
Laughing myself to sleep inside the 6 by 5 room.
The holes in the ceiling the water which falls in
Dampening my memories

Yelling at the top of my lungs
Singing into the cold air
Shoelaces taken away, everything with my pride slowly to die
The tears inside i try to hide as I layed awake.

Broken rulers made to knives to cheap to buy the real kind
still to stab you to steal away your pride to make it mine.
That is how I was brought up to survive!

Was it you who made me this way?
Telling me something was wrong when it was with you?
Was it me saying i was Sane Inside my head in this shoebox
i was missled myself once again.

Tue, 21 Dec 2004 05:50:41 GMT

This will be my last log for awhile, since i will be in a cast. Night.

Mon, 20 Dec 2004 22:44:04 GMT

Alone inside my mind
across the room I catch your eye
then you wander in my direction
my left you sit beside
so hot you make me want to hide
hide from my own fragile torture

I can feel you now
I can taste it now
Overcome that I'm your temptation
I never dreamed it true
I can feel you now
I can taste it now
Overcome that I'm your tepmtation
I'm crushed
With just the thought that I made you blush

The lust inside I cry
Without the tears running down my eyes
On your knees you beg for weakness
Temptaion close at hand
Falling for you I didn't plan
Pleasure seekers taking over

I'm crushed
With just the thought that I made you blush

I'm crushed enoughto make it bleed
with just the thought that I made you blush
I'm crushed enough I'm on my knees
with just the thought that I made you blush
I'm crushed enough to raze in all
with just the thought that I made you blush
I'm crushed enough for me to fall
with just the thought that I made you blush